Do you ever feel like you have to explain yourself or justify why you did something? Understanding what JADE means and the times you may be JADE-ing yourself or others can change how you interact with life for the better. If you aren’t familiar with the term, it originates from Al-Anon and stands for Justify, Argue, Defend and Explain. It becomes particularly problematic when used in communication with abusers, toxic relationships, or with ourselves.
Why Do We JADE?
JADE-ing yourself or others is often a learned behavior we have from our families in childhood or from society. JADE-ing is an exhausting and unnecessary behavior, so understand that you don’t have to justify, argue, defend, or explain yourself in any given situation. We learned to JADE as a way to try and please others, feel accepted, or stop abuse. Begin breaking this habit by allowing yourself to simply state your opinion or just say “no” in situations where you would typically justify, argue, defend, or explain yourself.
Stop JADE-ing Yourself to Get Your Power Back
You may find yourself JADE-ing either yourself, others, or both, but no matter who you do it too, you are denying yourself and your needs. When you stop JADE-ing yourself, you can begin to realize you don’t owe anyone a justification or explanation of your decisions. You can become self-realized in living your life with your purpose and without outside influence. Sometimes, JADE-ing others can be harmless and act to cushion the blow of saying “no,” but when it happens in toxic relationships, problems arise.
JADE-ing in Toxic Relationships
Healthy relationships include open and honest communication and listening to one another’s feelings, interests and ideas. JADE-ing is common in co-dependent, toxic, or abusive relationships. In these relationships you might feel like you can’t freely express your opinions or say “no,” and these behaviors show that the other person is either wanting to control you or isn’t interested in hearing your point of view. Begin identifying any JADE habits in your relationships and take your power back by remembering that you are allowed to share your honest thoughts or opinions and say “no” when necessary. Overcoming JADE habits and being free of codependent, toxic, or abusive relationships is possible by bringing attention to these patterns that deny our worth. Also, learning to speak and vocalize our thoughts and needs through proper communication and exiting harmful, abusive relationships can help curb these bad habits.
Choose to quit denying yourself and your needs by identifying and ceasing any JADE habits in your life. Start living a life of self-love and self-empowerment today. Overcoming the dysfunctional behavioral patterns you have learned from childhood or unhealthy relationships is truly possible with the right help. At Avalon Malibu, we offer comprehensive treatment care for both mental health and substance abuse disorders. As one of California’s only primary treatment centers, our ability to provide holistic, personalized, and co-occurring care is unparalleled. If you or a loved one is ready to begin living a life of empowerment, call us at (844) 857-5992.