The Real Reasons We Judge Other People

We can’t help to look at other people. What they have, who they are, their accomplishments – most of these is displayed very eloquently on social media networks such as Facebook or Instagram. When we view these, sometimes we may be so excited for someone we love and care about, but other times we may experience feelings of jealousy, envy, sadness, and even hatred. Our judgments don’t just stop at social media, however. First impressions cause us to judge someone, and those judgments aren’t always correct. The Scientific American states that we judge based on two qualities in first-interactions: warmth (whether the person is friendly and well intentioned) and competence (whether the person can deliver on their intentions). It’s not a debate that we judge others, but why do we do that?

Maria Moraca, writer for Tiny Buddha, states that our judgments are often an extension of our own self-criticizing. When our internal dialogue is critical and demanding, we become critical and demanding of others. Are we supposed to stop judging others altogether? That is impossible. As Dr. Marwa Azab tells Psychology Today, we have two components of the brain: our logical, conscious system and our reflexive, non-conscious one. Our logical system is controlled, intentional, voluntary, and what we are actively aware of. Our reflexive system is involuntary and outside of our awareness – much of the thoughts that occur here are reactive and irrational.

Tiny Buddha has noted three main causes for judgment on others:

1. You wouldn’t tolerate the same behavior or characteristic in yourself.
2. You display the same behavior or characteristic but are unaware of it, so you project this dislike onto others who do or have it.
3. You are envious and resent the feelings that come up so you find something wrong with those people that have what you want by judging them.

To counteract some of these judgments, make an active decision to change your thought patterns. Choose to be kinder, more patient with yourself. Find the good, the value in what you do and who you are. You are a human being and you deserve that.

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