People-pleasing is often a symptom of perfectionism, fear of disapproval, and anxiety. Those who have learned tendencies and patterns of people-pleasing overextend themselves for others, hoping to keep the external peace at the cost of losing their internal stability. For these individuals, setting boundaries is an empowering practice of reconnecting with oneself. Boundaries are about reclaiming yourself and learning to trust your needs, desires, and truths over what others may think of and need from you.
Knowing which boundaries to set in your life, let alone how, often begins with getting curious about where you feel resentment, overwhelmed, and overextended in your life and relationships. Feelings of resentment, for example, can point you in the direction of seeing where a boundary you have — that perhaps you did not know you had — is being crossed. It is also important to understand your boundaries within yourself.
Practicing the Pause
Before saying “yes” to someone, practicing a pause before you answer creates space for you to get in touch with what your personal “yes” and “no” feel like to you. While you may have been conditioned to say “yes” all of the time due to your people-pleasing tendencies, it is essential to respect your boundaries.
What ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ Feels Like for You
When you realize what an intuitive “yes” and “no” feel like in your body, you can discover where you need to have boundaries in your life. When something feels like a true “yes” to you, it can often feel like ease, openness, and excitement in your body. When something is a full-body “no,” we may notice contraction, restriction, and anxiety surface in your system.
Learning to Say ‘No’
“No” is a complete sentence, even when it feels uncomfortable. It can be helpful to remind yourself that saying “no” in your life creates space for what is a “yes” for you.
When creating a positive change in your life, discomfort during the process is a green light to keep going rather than a red light to stop. Making changes, setting boundaries, and reclaiming yourself can feel uncomfortable as it is unfamiliar, but that does not mean it is not good for you.
Setting boundaries is an essential practice for cultivating holistic wellness in your life. Like recovery, discovering boundaries can be uncomfortable and has a learning curve. However, learning to trust the discomfort of change as you learn to trust and honor yourself is part of the recovery journey. Whether it’s through determining where boundaries need to be set in your life or how to voice them to support your recovery, at Avalon Malibu, we can help. We are here to help you as you reclaim your true self. Learn more by calling us today at (844) 857-5992.