Conflict is part of life. Trying to avoid conflict or confrontation of any kind is a life spent in hiding, fear, and running, from what is a very natural part of life. Many people learn cruel lessons about conflict and confrontation in their childhood. Events that might have lead to abuse, trauma, or abandonment, leave a lasting imprint that conflict and confrontation are dangerous. Through therapy and treatment, you can learn how to approach conflict and confrontation empowered with healthy communication skills and self-confidence in knowing you will be okay no matter the outcome. An ability to approach conflict and confrontation is not just about conflict-management, but also getting one’s needs met, being heard, being seen, and being treated fairly.
Do you run away from conflict and confrontation? Here are two ways that you avoid conflict which indicate there is a greater underlying issue regarding your experience with conflict.
People-Pleasing In Order To Avoid Disappointment
The lessons you learned about conflict and confrontation in childhood might have involved a lot of disappointment from other people. You earned that you can’t resolve conflict without hurting someone else’s feelings. The people whose feelings you believe you hurt as a result of conflict might have taken their disappointment out on you in unhealthy ways. In order to avoid the feelings of fear, shame, and guilt associated with other people’s disappointment, you avoid conflict altogether. People are responsible for their own emotions. You can be responsible for your too.
Using Smoke And Mirrors To Diffuse Conflict
When you perceive conflict to be a negative situation, you avoid it as efficiently as possible. Conflict can be good. Sometimes conflict is even necessary. Conflict can lead to conflict resolution which can create an improvement in a situation. However, you don’t see it that way when all you see is the red flag of conflict. You use methods of distraction, diffusion, and even manipulation to get yourself or other people out of conflict and confrontation. Conflict for you is uncomfortable enough. Witnessing other people go through conflict is also a problem.
Avoiding conflict can lead to abusive relationships which weigh on your mental health. Everyone has “stuff” from their childhood they need to work out. If you feel that you are losing your ability to lead a happy and healthy life due to the weight of the past on your mental health, you are not alone. Avalon By The Sea offers a variety of mental health treatment programs to help you heal and create a life for a better future. For a confidential assessment, call us today: 888-958-7511