Recovery

The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous were written in 1935 far ahead of our Western obsession with Eastern practices. The eleventh step of the twelve steps states “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” The “12&12” literature describes meditation as a “step out into the sun” where “debate has no place”. “It helps to envision our spiritual objective before we try to move toward it,” the book explains, “And let’s always remember that meditation is in reality intensely practical.”

In recovery, there is a saying about HOW people quit abusing drugs and alcohol and learn to stay sober. Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness are the three components it takes to build a foundation of recovery. First, it is the essential first step to get honest about your addiction. You have to be the one to realize that your inability to quit using drugs and drinking is a problem. You have to be the one to recognize that your life has become unmanageable and you have become powerless over drugs and alcohol. Admitting your powerlessness is taking your power back. If you aren’t honest with yourself about the extent of your drinking and drug use, you aren’t going to be able to get anything out of treatment, because you don’t think that you have a problem. If you don’t honestly believe you have a problem, you don’t honestly need a solution. You need open-mindedness to be open to the idea of having a problem. The people around you tell you that you have a problem. Friends, family members, coworkers, acquaintances, everyone you meet seems to have something to say about how out of control your drinking and drug use has gotten. When you open your mind to the idea that maybe everyone else is right, you can open your mind to ideas like sobriety and recovery. You can start to question your relationship to drugs and alcohol- is it something you need? Is it something you want? Is it something you would be willing to change? The last part of the equation is willingness. To be willing is to be “ready, eager, or prepared to do something.” Willingness doesn’t always come easily. Sometimes you have to wait for the willingness to be willing to even think about being open-minded to the idea of sobriety. Willingness takes courage. It is courageous to be willing to be honest, willing to be open-minded and willing to be willing to change your life mind, body, and spirit. Emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, this is what it takes to quit your addiction. Scientifically and physically, it takes more. It takes time and changes in habit to fully quit and addiction. The truth is, the minute you don’t pick up drugs and alcohol again- you quit. Every day thereafter that you don’t pick up drugs and alcohol again, you continue to quit. There are many tools and treatment methods which help you stay quiet, like therapy, nutrition, diet, exercise, meditation, social involvement, and being of service. All of these external activities are support for the internal ones taking place- the ongoing honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness.

Sex addicts in recovery from sex addiction can still continue to have sex in their recovery. Sex addiction recovery does include abstinence. Many treatment programs and twelve step programs advocate abstinence for at least six months. What that abstinence entails, however, is up to the individual in recovery and most often their therapist as well as sponsor. Even with sex addiction, no two people are alike. The sexual behaviors one person used to act out will not necessarily be the same as the ones other person used to act out. Therefore, there is no generalized definition of what abstinence from sex and sex-addictive behaviors should look like. Sex Addicts Anonymous explains, “Most of us have no desire to stop being sexual altogether. It is not sex in and of itself that causes us problems, but the addiction to certain sexual behaviors.” All of sex and any idea of sex might not be the issue in someone’s sex addiction. This approach is unique to sex addiction because sex is a natural part of life. Alcohol is a choice. Drugs are a choice. Even gambling is a luxury. Sex, however, is a form of bonding, reproduction, and human activity for survival. Some people do choose to remain completely abstinent from sexual activity. However, many people to find that not to be sustainable. Unlike alcoholism or drug addiction in which a person truly cannot have just one drink or drug, people with sex addiction can have healthy sexual interactions. What they learn to do through therapy, treatment, and working the steps of twelve step programs like SAA is decide which behaviors are the ones they can participate in and which ones are not. SAA uses a three ring model to illustrate this. An inner circle, a middle circle, and an outer circle, help highlight the sexual behaviors which are manageable and the sexual behaviors which lead to the behaviors of someone’s addiction. The inner circle represents the behaviors which have been decided should absolutely be abstained from. The middle circle is designated for the trigger behaviors, the ones which could be managed but will likely lead to acting out sexually. Lastly, the outer circle includes the healthy behaviors which positively contribute to sex addiction recovery.

Last month, Brad Pitt made headlines around the world as he openly discussed his lifetime of alcohol abuse and how he has realized he has avoided his alcoholism for so long. After a high profile separation from his world famous actress and UN Ambassador wife, Angelina Jolie, the pressure was on Brad Pitt to come to terms with his alcoholism. After attending treatment and speaking openly about going through two therapists before finding the right one, Pitt has been openly discussing his experience and the reality of his drinking. “Boozing too much” was the answer he gave as he expressed his realizations that hardly a day had gone by since his time in college without being under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol at some point in time. Addiction affects 250 million people worldwide. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, NIAAA, cites that 17 million adults in the United States have an alcohol use disorder. To be diagnosed with an alcohol use disorder one has to demonstrate the beginnings of a chemical dependency on alcohol, including signs of developing a tolerance, experiencing symptoms of withdrawal, and having cravings for alcohol. Though treatment for alcoholism and even alcohol abuse is more widely available than it ever has been before, only a fraction of the people who are living with alcohol use disorder seek any treatment for it. Out of the millions struggling, only a few thousand will get help, and few thousand less might stay sober. Recovering from alcoholism is challenging and difficult, but it is not impossible. Problematically, there are a lack of resources which help people be aware that their drinking patterns are in fact alcoholic and pose a serious risk to their mental as well as physical health. As a result, the normalized drinking culture causes people to believe they do not have a problem. Prolonging alcoholism recovery can lead to serious health issues which can include damage to the kidneys, liver, and especially the heart. Early intervention is the best way to guarantee lifelong health and recovery.  Through clinical detox, proven therapeutic treatments, and holistic healing, recovery from alcoholism is possible.

After treatment, therapy is suggested as an ongoing part of the recovery lifestyle. It’s easy to regress into old patterns and stop going to therapy once life starts feeling “better”. If you notice your loved one starting to struggle and want to encourage them to go back to therapy, here are some suggestions. Needing Fixing Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken We place a lot of value on independence and self-sufficiency in today’s society. When encouraging someone to see a therapist it is important to emphasize that needing outside help isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. In fact, it is a sign of courage and strength which helps gain the tools and empowerment for being more independent in the future. Mental health is as important to take care of as physical health. Encourage your loved one to understand that seeking a therapist is just another tool for taking care of themselves. Therapists Aren’t Out To Get You The therapist’s job is to be 100% objective in their listening and response to their patients. Judgments, criticisms, or shaming is not part of the therapy process. Trusting a total stranger with the deepest thoughts and intimacies of one’s life is intimidating. However, seeking a therapist won’t mean starting therapy. Finding a therapist is only part of the process. Remind your loved one that it will be one step at a time. First, they need to find someone they like and feel comfortable with- comfortable enough to eventually dive into their inner selves. For now, they need to just take the action to find potential therapists and have preliminary sessions. It’s Okay To Not Be Okay “But I’m fine” is a common response when we urge a loved one to seek therapy. Fine is not great and it isn’t always an example of good mental health. Remind them of things they’ve opened up to you about, or what you’ve noticed about their mental health which has caused you concern. These aren’t damning or shaming observations. They’re objective facts about your loved one’s life. Therapy Works Recent research has found that people who go to therapy are 30-40 years ahead of the game in their personal development. Instead of taking a lifetime to work on their ‘stuff’, people who regularly work with a therapist expedite the process, leading to a happier, healthier, more productive life.

Summer is here and your sobriety is fresh. Worst summer ever? Definitely not! Though your first summer in recovery can be awkward at times, it will be full of amazing memories and growth as you learn just how incredible living sober can be. Summer is the perfect time to learn.