Patient Journey Story

After struggling with drinking her entire adult life, Sara had an “aha!” moment at Avalon.  So far in her recovery, she had tried to sidestep her alcohol use by pinning it on other problems like anxiety or trauma, but she would soon come to realize how closely entwined these issues are and understand that you can’t overcome one without treating the other.  This is known as a dual diagnosis, and it affects a surprising amount of people in recovery. According to the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), nearly 40% of adults with a mental health condition report using drugs or alcohol to cope.  “I remember Ronnie, one of the counselors, sitting me down and encouraging me to examine why I was drinking,” she recalls. “He sat me down and gave me a big book. And he told me to write today’s date in it, and that’s my sobriety date. It will be a year on October 7.” However, like most people, Sara’s breakthrough didn’t happen right away.  “It took a month at Avalon for me to finally admit that I was an alcoholic,” she says. “But my therapist was very patient. She didn’t push me. She wanted to make sure that I was comfortable. And that I would admit it on my own, when I felt that it was OK for me.” Unfortunately, the impetus behind Sara’s turning point was the loss of her grandfather, one of the most important people in her life. So not long after she arrived in California, she flew back to the East Coast to be with her family and put him to rest. “When it came time for me to go, I was asked again if I wanted a sober companion to come with me,” she echoes. But just like before, she declined.  “I said, ‘No, no, no, I think I can do this.’”  And this time, the experience felt different.  “Something clicked,” she says.

Since quitting drinking, Sara’s had a lot of time to reflect on her journey and what it took to get to where she is today. However, that doesn’t mean it happened quickly or easily. Like most people in recovery, she’s had a few setbacks over the years.  Before Avalon, she tried to stop drinking on her own a few times, and even had some success, but her sobriety never lasted long. Something always caused her to fall back on alcohol, whether it was stress, loss or simply nobody telling her ‘no.’ So when COVID happened, Sara was already in a bad place. She’d been drinking heavily for the past 10 years and had even struggled with opioids. “When push comes to shove,” she says, “I guess I tend to have an addictive personality.”  And like many during the lockdowns, she didn’t have a whole lot else to do besides drink. Career opportunities came to a screeching halt as businesses shut down and more people stayed in to avoid large crowds.  “I spent the majority of COVID, when I wasn’t working, which was the majority of COVID, at a bar,” she recalls. “Or drinking in my apartment. Or putting cocaine up my nose.” Sara wasn’t alone in this. According to a national survey of U.S. adults, binge drinking increased by 21% during the pandemic. Overdoses also spiked as many turned to substance use as a way to cope with the stress, anxiety or loneliness they felt.  She was also living on the East Coast at the time, which didn’t help things. “It kind of worked to my advantage,” she says, “Because I didn’t have to drive anywhere. If you ask me, that further enabled my drinking more so than if I was living out here, in California.”  By the time August 2021 rolled around, Sara was exhausted emotionally and physically. The drinking and drug use had taken its toll and she knew she needed a change. “I was on the opposite side of where I wanted to be. So I made the decision on my own to get help.”

Sara remembers looking through her parent’s liquor cabinet at a young age.  Or going to see what kind of cooking wine was in the cupboards.  She didn’t understand it yet, but she was curious about alcohol and wanted to have a mind-altering experience. Even if she didn’t imbibe until years later, her grandmother would give her non-alcoholic beer and wine so she could feel like a grown-up.  “I was a city child,” she says. “And that’s what the adults were having.” Fast forward 20 years and Sara had developed a pretty serious drinking problem, to the point where being either drunk or hungover became her norm. There was no in-between, except when she tried to cut back, which was more than once — but she’d fall back on old habits. Like most people in her shoes, she felt trapped and unsure of how to break the cycle. Through it all, she watched her friends and loved ones thrive. “I mean, I watched my sister get married. Anything I ever wanted for myself, I saw everyone around me getting,” she says. But Sara felt stuck, unable to move forward. Alcohol had kept her frozen in time. “I was living in the past,” she recalls. “I was too focused on when I’m going to get my next drink.” She doesn’t remember exactly what her breaking point was, but it came as the cloud of COVID-19 started to lift. “I couldn’t do it anymore,” she confesses. “I just knew that I didn’t feel like I was actually living. Or living the life I wanted to live.” She realized that all the things she wasn’t achieving could be tied to alcohol and decided that enough was enough. She needed help, and hopped on a plane to get it. First to Arizona, then to California, where she found refuge at Avalon Malibu, a world-renowned residential treatment center for mental health and addiction issues. As the message of recovery began to sink in, Sara discovered a new way to live. “Avalon changed my life,” she says.