Recovery

There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to recovery – each person has their own unique history, genetic makeup, preferences, support, feelings, circumstance, etc. Due to this, it’s incredibly important that a person construct a recovery plan that will serve to be most beneficial to their overall health and recovery goals. Oftentimes, individuals may feel that since someone they know is managing their lifestyle a certain way, they should do the same thing. This isn’t necessarily true, because what may work for one person doesn’t mean that it will work for another, and that doesn’t always mean that the person is making the best choices towards recovery. Here are some crucial steps to consider when developing a recovery lifestyle:

For people who have decided to take the courageous path towards recovery, goals are an incredible component of treatment and serve as milestones towards successful change. By setting realistic goals, a person can be well on their way to a healthier life without putting too much pressure on themselves. Here are just a few examples and suggestions to ensure those goals are feasible: Unrealistic: “I will have a full-time job established by the end of this week.” Realistic: “I will continue to apply to at least 3 jobs a day, and I will strive towards obtaining a part-time job, at the least, within six weeks.” By deciding on a specific number of jobs to apply to each day, the person can easily keep track of where they are at. By opening the person’s perspective to part time jobs, they are also giving themselves enough room to breathe and subtly transition into the lifestyle that they want, without placing too much stress on themselves. Plus, by the person being open to a part-time job as well, they are opening their window of opportunity even more. Unrealistic: “I will not feel so down anymore.” Realistic: “Anytime that I am feeling sad or upset, I will do 2 things: 1) write down my thoughts in a journal, and 2) do something for self-care, whether it be talking to a friend, watching a funny movie, or taking a hot, relaxing shower.” By determining a plan of action for what a person will do if they are feeling depressed, that person has more specific steps they can take towards their well-being. The person can easily write their specific goal and hang it up or put it somewhere they will easily be able to find so that if they experience this, they have an excellent reminder of what to do. Suggestions:

One day at a time is common recovery phrase.  It may seem simple enough to live for today, but the phrase can mean more to the recovering addict or alcoholic.  There are reasons this statement is so important in recovery. Once an addict or alcoholic enters recovery, living one day at a time becomes necessary.  At the start of recovery, the addict faces financial, relational, vocational, and social problems.  There is a lot to address.  No one can fix everything in one day!  Recovery is a lifelong commitment to staying clean and sober.   Living one day at a time gives the addict the opportunity to focus on what they can do today and not worry about yesterday or tomorrow.  Research supports the idea that if an addict begins to focus too much on the future, recovery might be jeopardized.  During recovery there will be time to focus on the issues of the past including healing family relationships or resolving financial concerns.   One day at a time also emphasizes the positive idea that you did not use alcohol or drugs just for today.  This mindset allows many addicts to put the emphasis on not using today; tomorrow will take care of itself.  Living one day at time also means that one will not take on what cannot be worked on.  In some cases, recovering addicts will change this one hour at a time or one minute at a time.  This illustrates how difficult, but not impossible, recovery can be. Living for today is also spiritual.  This is the day we have been given and we will make the most of it.  We will focus our energy on the day ahead of us and what we can accomplish today.  If we cannot work on a problem today, we can review it tomorrow.  Living one day at a time provides a sense of serenity knowing that all of your post-addiction problems do not need to be fixed today.  We will find the time to work on our problems and find solutions as recovery unfolds.  For today, you did not use drugs or alcohol and that is a very good thing!

While trying to recover from your addiction, it is important to use all of the resources you can find- including spiritual resources. You do not have to be religious in order to partake in these rituals. You just have to find your faith in a place differently than where you have visited before. Spiritual tools advocate inner peace and help you feel larger than yourself. Your emotions will be controlled and can help you deal with the average ups and downs of everyday life. An inner strength could be discovered that you may not have known that you had. Making use of these spiritual tools involves you to keep your mind opened and be at one with yourself. One spiritual tool you could use is daily prayer to help make sense of the disorderly world we live in. Prayer will help you discover where your joy comes from as well as being thankful for what you have. You would be able to find guidance, strength, and wisdom from a Higher Power and express good wishes to your friends, neighbors, loved ones, and strangers. It also helps to read from spiritual texts of your choice every day. There are spiritual books of different religions you could read as well as ones from spiritual leaders like the Dalai Lama, Paulo Coelho, or Pope Francis. This may inspire you to find your faith by learning how these leaders found theirs. Another spiritual tool is meditation which could end up being frustrating for the first time but if you keep an open mind, it can end up being very rewarding. Feelings of serenity, clarity, and peace can follow you on your walks of life. Meditation can even cause physical changes in your brain to increase creativity, relieve stress, improve mental focus, boost compassion and strengthen memory. This also could be a good time to revisit and rethink your faith by joining or rejoining a place of worship. You can find religious groups that appeal to you and give you a new outlook on life. This will allow you to become more social with those around you as well as nurture your soul. Yoga is another great way to empower your soul as you will learn to deal with uncomfortable emotions, self-acceptance, and cope with stress. Using spiritual tools that are right for you will bring you on the right path to a healthy recovery.

Willpower is our ability to resist temptation.  It is the same as saying no to a second dessert or saying no to buying something you already have.  Willpower in recovery is a separate issue.  For addicts, it is difficult to simply say no to drinking or taking drugs following months or years of abuse.  We have lived a certain way throughout our addiction and saying no might not be a simple option.  The behaviors we engaged in consumed our daily lives with seeking the drugs or alcohol, finding resources to get the drugs or alcohol, using the drugs or alcohol, and making adjustments to hide our drug or alcohol use.  It takes more than willpower but willpower does have a place in recovery. Willpower in recovery means that you are responsible for your sobriety.  Willpower alone is not sufficient to help you get through the work that is needed in recovery but it can help.  Willpower can be viewed as the willingness to work on yourself throughout recovery and is an important concept to understand.  Having an open mind during recovery can help you to make good choices.  Researchers have suggested that the ability to have freedom over choices during recovery helps to motivate us.  This becomes the “will” in willpower. When a person decides to stop using drugs or alcohol, the addict will need to admit there is a problem and be willing to make changes.  Also, the addict will need to take responsibility for their actions and recovery.  Recovery involves many changes in most areas of one’s life.  The addict in recovery will make lifestyle changes and learn to be present in recovery both physically and emotionally. Willpower does not really help one start an addiction, but willpower can help one recover from one.  There are others way to look at willpower in recovery.  There are many changes that take place in recovery.  You will have new support systems, you will learn new coping mechanisms, you will make lifestyle changes, and you will be educated on addiction and the recovery process.  Willpower in this sense can be seen as the “will” to recover and the power to do so.

Social media is a way for people to connect with friends, share pictures, or update loved ones on current events. With social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter being accessible from laptops, computers, and smartphones, some may find it useful to share their recovery with others. Some may even take pictures and post them on Instagram. The recovery community debates whether or not social media should be used during recovery. Part of the recovery process involves developing support networks and some may find this support through social media. While it is normal to want to share your recovery with others, one should consider their own recovery and the recovery of others. First, recovery is personal. Posting comments about your own recovery or another’s recovery will be viewed by hundreds or even thousands of other people. Some of the information should be kept private particularly if you are posting information about someone you met in recovery or someone you attend 12-step meetings with. Personal conversations related to recovery should be considered in a more private setting. If you meet someone at a 12-step meeting or other group meeting, that person has a right to privacy and any information shared should not be posted on social media. In addition, it is important that pictures are not shared as confidentiality is expected in 12-step and other group meetings. In early recovery, a person can be vulnerable to what other people think and take it to heart. If there are those we associated with during our drug use, they may be listed as a “friend” on Facebook. If you post information about your recovery, these “friends” might try to get you to sabotage your recovery. Social media can also be considered an addiction. If you are using social media as a way to avoid working on your recovery, then you should avoid using social media. There is a positive side to social media use during recovery. Recovery groups are available on social media who are dedicated to helping those in recovery. Caution should be taken when using these groups as you do not want private information getting into the hands of those who could jeopardize your recovery. Social media, including using laptops or smartphones, can also benefit recovery by providing information and connections to others in recovery. Many smartphones allow downloading apps that you can use to connect with others through support groups and meetings.

In today’s world, the Internet is everywhere.  We have apps on our phones and links to websites on our computers. Access to information is 24/7/365.  Most individuals in recovery attend 12-step meetings in person.  This allows for personal sharing of recovery through the relationships that are formed and the fellowship that is shared in the meetings.  Attending a 12-step meeting online might have benefits; however, there are both positive and negatives associated with this type of meeting attendance.

During recovery we meet many individuals who are also in recovery.  We can meet people in these meetings and some might even become friendships.  While friendships are encouraged due to the support and connection provided, getting romantically involved during recovery might not be a good idea.  There are men and women who attend these meetings and we might find ourselves wanting to form a relationship with a person that is more than friendly. Forming a new intimate relationship during recovery is not unethical; however, it could jeopardize your recovery particularly if you are new to recovery.  Some people who have been attending 12-step meetings for a long time state that forming a new relationship is not an ideal situation until one has been clean and sober for one year.  Regardless of whether one meets someone through meetings or elsewhere, there are reasons for not getting into an intimate relationship during recovery.  It should be noted that recovery is a lifelong process.  It is not realistic to state that one should never begin a new romantic relationship during this process. Recovering from drug and alcohol abuse in the beginning is a difficult time for many, both emotionally and socially.  Starting a relationship at this early stage can cause problems as the persons involved may want to focus more on the relationship and less on recovery.  There is also an emotional consideration.  When quitting drugs or alcohol, there are many emotions a person might experience.  These emotions include depression, anxiety, or feeling overwhelmed. Starting a relationship can take the focus off of working through these emotions, which is important for recovery. Another reason to avoid forming an intimate relationship in early recovery, is the possibility of relapse.  If a person meets someone at a 12-step meeting and becomes involved with this individual and a relapse occurs, there could be the opportunity for the other person to relapse as well. There is some truth to not starting a relationship for one year at the start of recovery.  This first year should be a period of selfishness and working on recovery no matter what.  It would be a good thing to focus on yourself and develop relationships that are more friendly.  Having this friendship in recovery can assist in developing a good support system and having a friend to talk through emotional crises or bad days.

Our relationships with others will change during recovery.  These relationships can include family members, other relatives, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, and people we work or go to school with.  As one begins recovery from alcohol or drug abuse, there may be relationships that end.  One reason for this is that some of the people we associated with are still using drugs or drinking alcohol.  It is good practice to venture away from these friends, as they can jeopardize recovery.  If there are family members using drugs or alcohol, it would be a good idea to limit contact with them. Recovery should never be at risk. Addictions and even recovery can break up marriages or relationships.  There might be a spouse or significant other who continues to use drugs or alcohol, while the other wants to maintain sobriety.  This typically does not work well until such time as the person using drugs or alcohol decides to stop and begin a recovery program.  Work or school relationships can change as well.  Maybe work friends like to go out after work for happy hour or there are friends who meet after school. Recovery involves lifestyle changes including developing relationships with others that are positive and which support your recovery.  Sometimes it can be difficult to sever friendships during recovery; however, you will have opportunities to develop new relationships.  You may meet someone at a 12-step meeting or discover that a friend at work is also recovering from drug or alcohol abuse. An important part of recovery is understanding that friends and family members might have issues with trusting you. Some relationships may end simply because of the hurt experienced by the family member or friend.  Trust is usually the first thing to be affected in a relationship, and the last to get back.  If you have friends or family members that you want to have in your life during recovery, remember that trust is not easily restored.  Over time and with continued recovery, family members will slowly begin to trust again but it will take patience.

Step 4 of the twelve steps involves making a fearless and moral inventory of ourselves.  Sounds simple enough. However, Step 4 asks the recovering addict or alcoholic to take a hard look at themselves and their addiction.  Many do not want to do this, at least not right away.  In recovery, one needs to take this deep dive into themselves as it is the way to understand the addiction and prepare for a new life without drugs or alcohol.  The important thing to remember about Step 4 is it is as individual as the person in recovery.  Not all people will view Step 4 the same way nor will all people complete this step the same way.  For your recovery, find your own way to complete this step and make it work for you Fearless means without fear.  In looking at ourselves during recovery, we may uncover truths about ourselves and the people our addiction affected.  We might not like what we uncover.  It takes courage to do this, as one can think about all the negative things they did or said when under the influence of drugs or alcohol.  The importance of a fearless inventory means that you are honest in spite of all the negativity surrounding your addiction.  A fearless inventory can also mean that you find the strength to move forward.  You may be able to work out the pain you caused others and work through it.  You can embrace the negativity and give it purpose.  Many addicts or alcoholics discover that they have a lot of good qualities, which were hidden by the addiction.  Taking a fearless inventory means that you will look at yourself before the addiction, during the addiction, and what you can gain from staying sober. Morality has to do with knowing the difference between good and bad behavior and acting accordingly.  In completing a moral inventory, one might focus on the bad decisions they made while abusing drugs or alcohol.  In order to work through this, taking an inventory of the people hurt or affected by drug or alcohol abuse can help recovery.  Not only will you address those hurt in Step 4 but you will also take a moral inventory of who you are as a person.  It is a good idea to note all the qualities that make you who you are, good or bad.  This will help with knowing who you are and what needs work during recovery and what is okay and needs reinforcement.

For most people who go to treatment for alcohol use disorder, their drinking wasn’t restricted to the weekend anymore. Still, when the weekend rolls around, there can be triggers for drinking as millions of other people do so. Weekends can still be fun, safe, and healthy. Here are three ideas:

How many times do we tell ourselves we can’t do something, then prove ourselves right? We set up defeatist limits for ourselves all of the time. In a moment of clarity, perhaps what some might call hope, faith, or courage, we tell ourselves we can do something and- we do it. What changed? Our mental state did. There is no greater example of this than with people who come to recovery from drug and alcohol addiction. The prospect of having to go through withdrawals, detox from drugs and alcohol, then learn to live without them is dim when we are addicted. We tell ourselves a number of lies in order to avoid it. We couldn’t possibly survive. We can’t stay sober. We won’t be able to finish our treatment programs. We’ll just relapse and fail, disappointing ourselves and others. Then, in a moment of bravery and what many people call divine intervention, we tell ourselves we have to try, that we might be able to make it, and then we do. In one moment, we quit drugs and alcohol. Every moment from there on out, we keep changing our mindset to tell ourselves that we can do it, we can stay sober, and we can change our lives. Once we are in recovery, we learn how to keep an attitude of gratitude, maintain positivity, and use a number of little sayings to keep our outlook toward the future healthy. One day at a time, keep it simple, this too shall pass, don’t take yourself too seriously. All of these are reminders to keep our chins up and take life as it comes, recognizing that with each passing moment it is getting easier and easier to stay sober. Outlook is everything when we are in recovery. As soon as we slip into that familiar desperation, we are risking our sobriety.  The Sydney Morning Herald reported on a recent research experiment in which researchers found that optimism had an effect on physical strength. Six separate experiments examined more than 1300 people and how their outlook on the future affected them. Researchers compared the participants outlook on their future to their physical capabilities. Optimism, the researchers found, “was a ‘cornerstone’ of recovery”. Additionally, there is no one way to approach optimism. Across all the experiments conducted, researchers found that more clearly and concretely participants envisioned their future, the more successful their physical health. “...Our recommendation is that you do need to think about and plan for your future and the way you think about and imagine that future is important in terms of generating the optimism that is going to be successful in terms of pushing you through to a successful recovery,” the researchers explained.