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Their Addiction Has Nothing To Do With You Most of the time, our loved one with an addiction has demonstrated to us time and again that we are of little concern to them. Our love for them, our fear for them, our attempts to help, our attempts to cut them out of our lives- nothing seems to have phased our loved one’s addiction. It’s of wonder then why it is so hard for us to truly accept that their addictions have nothing to do with us. We’ve spent endless hours trying to understand. Was it something we did? Is it something we do? Are we missing something about what’s wrong with us? Don’t they love us? Trying to rationalize the irrationality of addiction can (and will) drive us mad. We have to embrace the fact that, though they may be acting like someone completely different from the person we know and love, our loved ones are still their own person making their own decisions. You Can’t Make Them Stop Which is exactly why there is nothing we can do to make them stop. Addicts in recovery often reveal that no marriage, child, relationship, or job was enough to make them get or stay sober. We can offer help, support, and guidance as much as we can stand. In the end, it is going to be their decision and their decision alone to finally stop using and start recovering. When that moment comes, it is up to you to be there. It Isn’t Your Fault There is a good chance they won’t ever choose sobriety. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a good chance that they will. Whatever their decision understand that it isn’t your fault. There Is An End To Enabling You might be at fault for enabling. Enabling is a sign of codependent behavior, which can actually harm an addict’s chances of recovering. Common forms of enabling in a relationship with an active addict can include, but is not limited to: covering for their mistakes, paying for legal fees, buying them drugs or alcohol, giving them money, letting them stay in the house, and more. It’s OK To Set Boundaries One of the best ways to make it clear to an addict that they need to get help is by discontinuing to indulge their behaviors. With love, compassion, and healthy detachment, it is okay to set boundaries. Boundaries can be rigid or flexible. For example, they may not be allowed to show up to dinner under the influence, or, they have to take an at-home urine test before being allowed to participate in family events. You Can Still Love Them No matter what happens, they are still your loved one. It is perfectly reasonable for your feelings of loving them not to go away. Nothing says you should stop loving them. They need all the love they can get. Provide a struggling addict with healthy love. Avalon By The Sea offers intensive family therapy components for both our mental health and substance use disorder treatment programs. Certified to treat both diagnosis, Avalon provides a comprehensive program for dual diagnosis and co-occurring disorders. For a confidential assessment and more information on our treatment programs, call 1-855-464-8492.

Sobriety for most people involves total abstinence. No illicit or illegal substance can be used or abused for mind altering purposes. For some, the idea of giving up mind altering substances entirely is daunting. Sober support group meetings are typically accompanied by coffee, sugary treat such as doughnuts or cookies, and a cloud of smoke from cigarettes. Caffeine, sugar, and nicotine are methods of support for a recovering addict or alcoholic. Today’s beverage industry offers teas, energy drinks, and supplemented juices that can help someone catch an extra buzz. There are numerous other legal, even natural, substances which can create a mind-altered state. What defines one substance from another as being harmful? Does drinking a chamomile tea which causes drowsiness count as a relapse? The answer is no. There are no clearly defined terms for what is and is not appropriate for sobriety. Some substances or drink are more concerning than others for the intensity of their mind-altering properties and their potential for abuse. Abuse, or using a substance in a way it is not intended, can be a hard line to draw as it is mostly subjective. Pain relievers relieve pain and calming teas create calm. Should they be avoided? Using a substance in higher quantities, all day long, or for avoidance, is abuse. One substance causing controversy in the world of sobriety is Kava. Kava bars are opening up in local neighborhoods, offering a natural remedy to the day’s stress. What is Kava? Kava is a plant found in the south pacific known as a natural remedy for numerous afflictions. When consumed, Kava interacts with the central nervous system, making the effect quick and impactful. The effectiveness of Kava is not widely researched, so the side effects are vast. Kava negatively interacts with many medications and can worsen symptoms of mental health issues like depression. Often served as a tea, Kava can create dissociative feelings and uncomfortable calm. In large, abusive quantities, Kava can cause mild hallucinations. Why Is Kava A Concern For Sobriety? People in early recovery are drawn to kava for it’s powerful effect on calming their high nerves. Kava does not show up on a urinary test and has not yet been proven to cause dependency. However, the reliance upon a mood altering substance is problematic. Recovery is a process of learning to regulate and manage one’s emotional state without chemical support (other than a prescription). Many begin to rely on Kava out of habit and sensation, though not out of chemical dependency. However, the brief sense of euphoric relief brought on by Kava can be enough to stimulate memories in the brain associated with using. Eventually, the kava might not be substantial in curing the ailments relief is being sought for. Other substances might come to mind. Without the tools in place to act as defense, relapse becomes imminent.Avalon By The Sea advocates total abstinence in sobriety. Our treatment program for substance use disorders is housed in a warm, private, luxury environment while offering quality evidence based care. For a confidential assessment or more information on our programs, call 1 (888) 958-7511.

Histrionic personality disorder is not exclusive to females or any stereotype of the female personality. However, the disorder is comparative to the characteristics of the highly emotional, attention seeking archetypes so often heard about. Characterized by being (and needing to be) the center of attention, histrionic personality disorder can drive people to extreme lengths to be noticed. It isn’t about the fame or reputation. Histrionic personality disorder is a disorder of insecurity and a lack of self-knowledge. Attention and approval from others is what gives someone with histrionic personality disorder a sense of self-esteem. Indeed, many star performers who fit the stereotype of a “diva” or a “drama queen” might be suffering from histrionic personality disorder. Without a platform, stage, or fan base, they fall apart in their identity. Fame is all they’ve ever wanted, yet they find it is not enough to fill that hole. Being the center of attention is not everything. Being yourself is. For histrionic personality disorder, this is hard knowledge to come by. Other Personality Traits of Histrionic Personality Disorder There is always one person who seems to go out of their way to get attention through outlandish behaviors, dangerous actions, or provocative dress. Provocative behavior is a symptom of histrionic personality disorder. Winning the seduction game is important because it guarantees attention. Dressing, acting, and behaving in seductive manners are all part of the need to be the center of attention. Seductive or sexual provocation is not appropriate in all social situations. Histrionic personality disorder sees those inappropriate situations as perfect opportunities. Such opportunities are likely to be taken, especially if others are taking it. Due to a lack of self-identity and self-esteem, histrionic personality disorder is prone to being encouraged to engage in other attention seeking behaviors. Vulnerable to influence and suggestion, if there is a promise of attention or validation, histrionic personality disorder will not need much convincing. Who Has Histrionic Personality Disorder? Women are diagnosed with HPD more often than men if only because, as Psychology Today describes, “because attention seeking and sexual forwardness are less socially acceptable for women than for men.” Histrionic personality disorder can be a high functioning disorder meaning an individual can be successful in life without evidence of an issue. If you or a loved one are concerned that attention-seeking behavior might be causing harm or impairing quality of life, call Avalon By The Sea today. One of California’s few licensed facilities for treating mental health as a primary diagnosis, Avalon is able to provide intensive psychiatric treatment. The risky behaviors of histrionic personality disorder can include drug use. Avalon also offers substance abuse treatment programs. To receive a confidential assessment and learn more about how we can customize a program of treatment for you, call 1-855-464-8492.

Treatment for recovery from alcoholism, addiction, and co-occurring mental health disorders require change. Commonly it is quipped in sober support meetings not to worry about anything, “because all you have to change is everything.” Change is daunting. It’s our human desire to have a grounded constant in our lives, an anchor to weather the unpredictable storms of life. Though it might sound philosophical, the very real truth is this: change is the only constant. Even within our own bodies, on a cellular level, change is occurring constantly- as in every couple of days. Ironically, we often seek treatment because we need a change in our lives. We cannot continue living the way we have been. Yet, once we get to treatment and realize the amount of work and change we are about to endure, we become very unsettled. Despite the ongoing pain and danger our old way of life was providing us, the sickness and desperation, we start to think it wasn’t so bad. Change is a challenge. Learning to live with changes and make changes is really about learning to live “life on life’s terms” as it is often described. Why is it we resist the very thing we are most natural at adapting to? Psychologists argue it's a combination of character and patterns of behavior. Anxiety Having a chronic sense of worry or concern can make change terrifying. Endless “what if’s” stem from change. Control Control helps us feel like we have command over life. Everything can work in our favor the way we perceive we need it to as long as we are in control. Routine Mostly we fear the unknown because of a lack of security. Routine brings us security. When our routines are consistent, we don’t need to have expectations of ambiguity. Stress When security is threatened, one’s very feelings of survival can feel threatened. Stress is a natural response to the threat of survival. Short-Sightedness Being wrapped up in a routine isn’t the same as being present, but it's a way of being locked out of the future. Psychologists have found that for some, the future is hard to conceptualize, making it difficult to choose or adapt to something today that is not for certain tomorrow. The greatest change you can make in your life is you. Treatment will bring out the best you you have ever had the chance to know. That is our goal at Avalon By The Sea. Our treatment programs for substance use and mental health disorders are focused on helping you make the necessary changes in your life. For a confidential assessment or more information, call 1-888-958-7511.

Let’s be honest. Being betrayed by someone we love- be it a husband, wife, friend, family member or coworker- can feel like dying. Some betrayals are petty while others are deep. Research has shown that emotional pain, like that which comes from emotional, verbal, or mental abuse, works in the brain similarly to physical pain. The bottom line is pain hurts, no matter what kind of pain it is. Betrayal is usually sudden and unexpected for the person who has been betrayed. To say that one shouldn’t have expectations is to paint a dismal picture of mankind- it would be unfortunate to go through life assuming one human will betray and hurt another at some point in time. When we are in a loving and meaningful relationship of any kind with another person, we do have expectations. We expect them to love, honor, respect, and treat us the loving, honoring, respectful way we treat them. Betrayal is shocking and disappointing at the same time. Sending our minds into a headspin, we struggle to try and figure out what happened and why. All the while, we suffer deep emotional pain which can have physiological effect. Our hearts feel like they might stop, our stomach is in knots, and our body is paralyzed. Betrayal hurts, but betrayal will not kill us. Working through betrayal is the best way to recover from it. We would much rather run, hide, and lick our wounds than have someone come and do surgery or pour on burning cleaning fluids. Where do we begin? We begin with checking in on ourselves. It isn’t hard to tell that we’re feeling. After finding out we’ve been betrayed, we’re feeling everything and we can hardly sort it out. There aren’t enough emotions to express what we are going through. Allow yourself a period of time to be completely consumed, which can be a detoxifying process. After that period of time, start putting your emotions in check. To work through the aftermath of betrayal, you will need to start stabilizing to the best of your ability. Challenging, but not impossible, recognize that this action of betrayal will not be undone and it is time to move forward. We continue by learning not to blame ourselves for another’s actions and eventually we forgive. Working through betrayal takes time, nurturing, and healing. Betrayal can lead to depression, anxiety, and relationship trauma which might require professional help to work through. Avalon By The Sea offers relationship counseling and licensed mental health treatment for primary psychiatric diagnoses. If you or a loved one are in need of support, call Avalon today for a confidential assessment. 1-855-464-8451.

It isn’t always easy to see the effect a grown up addiction is having on the life of a child. Some of these examples may seem black and white, but the grey areas are not difficult to imagine. Children are affected by a parent’s moods, behaviors, words, attitudes, and choices. When a parent brings their addiction into the home, children are the first to suffer as: Accomplices In their hearts, despite what a parent does, a child still loves them. Children see their parents as better or happier once the parent uses their drug of choice. To avoid watching their parent suffer, get angry, or whatever the negative consequence, a child will help the parent get more drugs. Using a child to get drugs can go to extreme places, all of which are forms of abuse. Punching Bags Literally and figuratively, children can become an addicted parent’s punching bag. An intoxicated parent with unmanageable anger or rage might take to physical abuse of a child for punishment. Additionally, a parent may hit a child with emotional blows. Venting to a child is a form of abuse. A child is not prepared to take on, detach from, or make sense of adult emotions and stress. Children can fall into thinking their role in life is to meet everyone else’ emotional needs. Not yet knowing their own, they may spend more time supporting other than learning what they need for themselves. Caregiver Parentification is a term that refers to when the child is given parental qualities for which they are not adequately equipped. For a parent that is too incapacitated to cook dinner, take younger siblings to school, or call a doctor when necessary, there is usually a child who has to step up. Parentification takes on another, more harmful role, that causes emotional stresses later in life for the child. In addition to attending the parent’s physical needs, the child becomes responsible for attending to the parent’s emotional needs. Like a nurturing loving parent, the child takes care of, makes excuses for, tends to, and supports their adult parent though they are not one. This can lead to codependency, entering abusive relationships, and strenuous perfectionism. Silent Majority Children in addicted households are often silenced. Not of legal age to take action, a child’s voice becomes lost. Often, a child is closely monitored in their home time communication, in case they should tell someone about their parent’s problem. Likely, if the child says anything threatens to say anything, they receive physical or emotional abuse. Avalon By The Sea offers intensive family therapy sessions as part of the treatment program for both mental health and substance use disorders. One of California’s only certified dual diagnosis treatment centers offering primary diagnosis treatment for mental health, Avalon offers the highest quality of care. For a confidential assessment or more information on our programs, call 1 (888) 958-7511.

Are You Hungry? When the physical body needs food for energy, it creates the sensation of hunger. Beyond your stomach needing food or your brain needing food, it is the very cells of your body that are begging for sustenance. Doing a mindful check about what your body needs can help you prevent overeating. Additionally, you’ll be able to notice when you’re hungry throughout the day so you don’t experience drops in energy and focus. Are You Experiencing Difficult Emotions? Eating is often a coping mechanism for difficult emotions. Food can fill a hole or stuff emotions down. Food can help to feel pleasure or to feel pain. Check in with your feelings. Are you stressed? Depressed? Anxious? Angry? Before reaching for food, try taking a moment to meditate or breathe and recenter. Play With Your Food Experiential learning is one of the best ways to create long lasting memory and behavioral changes. When we get hands on in life, we get a better sense of what actually is as opposed to what we think about something. Do we ever take time to really notice food? Before ravenously consuming your food take a moment to really pay attention to it: texture, scent, leaves, colors, how it looks up close. The majority of “taste” is actually “smell”. Really inhale the scent of your food and notice the different layers. Eat Slowly Sometimes we’re just in a crunch for time when it comes to food. Even on a thirty minute lunch break in between working hours, there is time to pause and mindfully approach your food. Chew slowly and become aware of what the food is like on your tongue. Do you experience flavor in one area of your tongue more than others? Is it cool and slick or warm and tough? Chewing thoroughly is also a practice used to prevent overeating. You break down the food faster helping your body digest the filling nutrients more quickly. Are You Still Hungry? We are trained to need to finish our plates and eat until we feel stuffed. In truth, we don’t have to eat until we are busting at the seams, but until we simply feel content. A mindful practice to follow is waiting at least ten minutes to continue eating. Your body needs a chance to digest. If after some time you are still hungry, continue eating. Avalon By The Sea incorporates nutrition, cooking, and food planning into each recovery program we offer. Nutrition and diet are vital components for longevity and a healthy life of recovery. For more information on our treatment programs, call 1-888-958-7511.

Depression is a psychological condition that affects millions of people in the United States each year. The National Center for Health Statistics notes the 7.6 percent of the population over the age of 12 experiences depression in any 2-week period1. The causes and conditions that surround depression are varied and complex. Fortunately, a variety of treatments are available to help people manage this troubling condition.

“Attached” “Addicted” “Completely Dependent Upon” “Can’t Live Without It” “My Life Depends On It”- these are all sentiments commonly used to describe people’s relationships with their digital technology devices. Phones, tablets, laptops, televisions, and now watches, have all become integral parts of everyday life. We use technology for time, calls, internet, financing, meditating, eating, sleeping, playing games, organizing, and more. Digital Addiction Disorder is the inability to go without using or interacting with a digital technological advice. Many researchers have warned that the invisible blue light which comes out of screens is addicting. Studies have compared scrolling through the newsfeed of a social media platform to taking cocaine- the brain reacts in the same way. Likes, Comments, and positive feedback on our social media posts light up the reward center of the brain. Some medical professionals have warned that looking at a screen on a digital technological devices before bed can shorten lifespan and lead to medical health problems. Symptoms of Digital Addiction Disorder Digital addiction resembles both an impulsive and a compulsive disorder, writes Manfred Kets de Vries. “Studies of this disorder fail to agree whether DAD is a disorder in its own right or a symptom of other underlying conditions such as an obsessive-compulsive or impulse-control disorder. Whatever it’s called, DAD presents a compulsive behaviour pattern that can completely take over the addict’s life.” Symptoms include:

Recovery requires inspiration. If you are ready to face your addiction and get sober, be inspired by these three important tips and words of encouragement. Don’t Give Up Some days are going to be harder than others. Doubt is going to overshadow hope. A day might fly by or it will crawl. Weathering the storm now will put you in the best place to face more storms in the future without turning to drugs and alcohol. Even when you feel you’ve hit your limit and you’ve got nothing left- don’t give up. You can and you will make it. It’s completely possible. Feel your feelings, experience your experiences. Take it one single day or one single hour at a time. You’re The Only One You Can Do This For People try to get sober to please other people- the wife that won’t stop crying, the parents who cut us off, the friends who don’t want to hang out with us anymore. We get sober for our children, we get sober for our jobs, we get sober for the government and the law. Dedicating our sobriety and doing it in honor of people is one thing, but doing it for other people is another. This journey is about you. Nobody else is doing what you are doing right now. Your recovery is yours. As a result, everyone else in your life will be affected. People rarely make it when it isn’t about them changing their own lives for their own lives sake. Why? The truth It’s Worth It Right now in the depths of your struggles you might not be able to see how. Going through detox, suffering symptoms of withdrawal, dealing with uncomfortable and unfamiliar emotions...it all seems like too much. Looking into the future brings you nothing but anxiety and that’s hard to handle right now. If you could look and see what millions of others around the world are seeing every day, you might paint a different picture for yourself. You don’t have to know how or why, but you have to trust that it simply will be. Your life is about to change in ways you can only begin to predict. You are going to feel better, be happier, and live differently. Every struggle, every trial, and every tribulation is worth it. One day you are going to look back and realize the people who told you that were right all along. Avalon By The Sea of Malibu offers certified treatment for substance use disorders and co-occurring mental health disorders. We know the road to recovery is hard. You don’t have to do it alone. Start your journey today, with us. For a confidential assessment and more information on our treatment programs, call 1-888-958-7511.

Navigating the holidays for the newly sober is rarely easy. It's rarely easy for those who are not in recovery! Despite the stress commonly associated with big meals, sensitive family discussions and tight schedules, those in recovery might actually be better equipped for the impending triggers. Just remember that with tips like these, those who've sought treatment for addiction or a mental health condition can successfully reconnect with their loved ones and rediscover the spirit of the holidays with enlightenment and understanding.

Transitioning back into everyday life is a challenge after being in the routine, safety, and comfort of treatment. If you are doing a step down process, you will have outpatient or aftercare services where you can continue to check in with a professional staff as well as your recovery peers. Remember that you are capable of handling life on life’s terms. Examine Your Job Some of us left jobs behind to seek treatment and have the opportunity to return to them. Others did not have jobs and are now able to seek out part time or full time employment as a result of recovery. Work is where we end up spending a majority of our time unless we have a special schedule or are retired. It is important for your work environment to be conducive to your mental health. Though the economy is struggling and jobs are hard, you must trust that your mental wellness is more important than this job. If you are experiencing stress, abuse, emotional distress, or not enough opportunities to take breaks and take care of yourself, it might be time to look for another job. You deserve to be in a place where you feel okay. Your job life can have a ripple effect on the rest of your life. Treatment was hard work and you went through a lot to get here. If necessary, move forward from this job, career, or company, to another one. Examine Your Environment After treatment, sometimes home doesn’t feel like home anymore. We might have left behind a path of destruction or many memories of a painful past. Cleaning up the wreckage is part of our recovery, but we also have the right to move forward from our environment to start fresh. Moving forward from your last home life before treatment can take a few different forms. You can: Move entirely Move to a different area of the same town Do a deep cleaning and get rid of triggering things Redecorate Repaint Remodel Small changes can make a big impact in the home. Paint color can change the tone of the house. A new bedset can completely change the mood of the room. Ultimately, the way your house looks does not dictate your emotions. However, it can help you to feel more welcomed, safe, and secure, when you get home each day. Examine Your Feelings Treatment for mental illness has taught you how to identify, communicate, and manage your emotions. A drastic move or career change might not be the best idea. Before making any major decisions, take time to mindfully check in with yourself to see what might be coming up. Avalon By The Sea is Southern California’s premiere mental health treatment facility and one of the only licensed centers for treating psychiatric issues as a primary diagnosis. We offer excellent aftercare and transitional services to our clients to ensure that their transition back into life after treatment is as seamless as possible. For a confidential assessment or more information about our mental health treatment program, call 1-855-464-8409.