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Relationships aren’t supposed to cause anxiety. No relationship is perfect. Couples learn how to argue in healthy ways because it isn’t healthy to be in total agreement without any conflict at all. Communication, understanding, and using tools for finding solutions are what helps couples stay together to reconcile their differences. When a mental illness is present in a relationship, simple maintenance routines like communication and understanding can be difficult. People have all different kinds of experiences in their life and in their relationships which cause them to have anxiety within their relationships. For example, adults who experienced divorce through their parents at a young age have a certain kind of anxiety. To them, the law has been programmed into their brains that you can never know when a partner might leave, when they are lying, or when a fight is going to lead to separation. Relationship anxiety can be caused by abuse, abandonment, and neglect, as well as just the presence of an anxiety disorder. People who are struggling with other mental illnesses might have relationship anxiety because of the shame and stigma associated with their mental illness. They feel that their mental illness makes them unlovable and that anyone would be right to want to leave them. You can tell if you are struggling with the pressures of relationship anxiety by developing a mindful awareness of your thoughts. If you’re in treatment, or considering going to treatment for a mental health disorder, mindfulness will become a major part of your recovery. Mindfulness gives you the ability to non-judgmentally observe your thoughts by noticing your behaviors, paying attention to the circumstances, and becoming aware of what is going on in your mind at the time. You might notice things like:

Anxiety disorders are mental health conditions that affect the mind and the body. When you experience a panic or anxiety attack, you are experiencing the full psychosomatic manifestation of the anxiety in your mind all throughout your body. Symptoms of the heart During a severe anxiety attack or a panic attack, it can feel as though you are experiencing the symptoms of a heart attack. Most often, there will not be the left-side symptoms specific to an actual heart problem. If you start experiencing numbness or tingling down your left arm, shoulder, or jaw, contact your doctor. Common symptoms include feeling tightness in the chest. Beyond just feeling chest restriction, it can often feel like the chest is being clamped together or that there is a heavy weight being placed on the chest. Increased heart rate happens due to the adrenaline and cortisol pumping through the blood as a result of the fight or flight system kicking in. Growing anxiety or panic can also result in a pounding heart, feeling heart palpitations, and a high heart rate. Symptoms of the body Adrenaline and cortisol are stress hormones which encourage the body to take action in the face of real or perceived threats. Without any action these stimulating hormones can cause feelings of uneasiness like trembling and shaking, as well as discomfort like nausea, dizziness, upset stomach, lightheadedness, or feeling like you are about to faint. Other physical symptoms can include experiencing some numbness, tingling in the limbs, sweating, chills, or even a hot flash like a sudden fever. Symptoms of the lungs Anxiety is known to cause people to feel like they can’t breathe. Sensations of not being able to breathe can come from the tightening of the chest sensations, making it feel as though there is no way to take a deep breath. As a result, you feel a shortness of breath which can cause psychological sensations of not getting enough air, feeling smothered by your environment, or experiencing some kind of choking.

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One out of every eleven people in the United States are diagnosed with a personality disorder, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Personality disorders are divided into three subtypes called “clusters”. Each cluster has its own distinguishing characteristics, demonstrated by the personality disorders included in that cluster. In total, there are ten separate personality disorders. What is a personality disorder? A personality disorder is a change in the way the brain operates. Personality disorders most often find their origin in childhood, then develop throughout adolescence and adulthood. Many personality disorders are related to episodes of trauma which lead to extreme forms of coping by the brain. People with personality disorders experience difficult in the way they relate to themselves, relate to others, manage their emotions, manage their behaviors, and progress through their lives on  social scale. Cluster A Personality Disorders The personality disorders listed under Cluster A are referred to as “odd or eccentric behavior”. People with a Cluster A personality disorder act and behave in ways which might be deemed odd by other people. As a result, it is difficult for people with Cluster A personality disorders to overcome their behaviors and relate to people in a normal way. Included are:

Ghosting is a modern term for a peculiar occasion which happens in dating. Someone who “ghosts” someone else completely cuts off communication without warning. Often, to the person who is being “ghosted” it can feel like there is also no cause for the sudden disappearance. Ghosting could be a symptom of a mental health condition which complicates the ability to maintain healthy relationships. Mental Illness deeply fears invalidation Some mental health conditions have a deep issue with the perceived offense of invalidation. Invalidation is a way of making someone feel as though they are not valid to you, or as a person. People who have a mental illness which distorts their perception of self and their ego can take real or perceived signals of invalidation very personally and feel the need to retaliate in response. Ghosting is the way that they hurt you while simultaneously protecting themselves, though they hurt themselves in the process. Mental Illness deeply fears abandonment Abandonment issues can inspire long term mental health issues of all kinds to cope with the intense fear of being abandoned, neglected, or rejected. Trauma from childhood and adolescence can cause these deep fears of abandonment which do not go away until they are thoroughly confronted in therapy. Instead of having to face abandonment, someone who has to avoid any threat of abandonment will abandon the situation entirely, causing them to ghost the person they are seeing. Mental Illness creates fact from feeling Delusional thinking run entirely on feeling is a common experience in many different mental illnesses. Rather than see an objective fact, they only see their feelings and run entirely on how they feel. The feelings of abandonment and the feelings of invalidation discard the necessity of knowing whether or not they are real or perceived. All that matters is that the person feeling them feels them and that is reality enough. They act on their feelings instead of acting on a conversation or understanding what is really going on. That is why they turn to ghosting instead of having an emotionally honest conversation. Mental Illness takes everything personally Mental health conditions can create a heightened sensitivity to the actions- real or perceived- from others. Taking things personally is also acting on feelings because someone feels that what they have experienced is personal. They take feelings of abandonment and feelings of invalidation very personally. Coping with a personal offense is not easy for people with mental health conditions because coping with the pain underneath them- like feelings of abandonment and invalidation- is not easy for them. To avoid the personal commentary which could trigger feelings of low-self worth, they will turn to ghosting to eliminate the relationship entirely.

Borderline personality disorder is a difficult personality disorder to understand. The shifting moods, perspectives, boundaries, behaviors, and often times personalities can be challenging for a loved one to understand. Borderline Personality Disorder Can Start At Any Age Personality disorders like borderline do not have an age limitation because there is simply no way to control that. Thought to have roots in significant events of abandonment, the starting causes for the development of borderline can happen at any age. Early symptoms of borderline personality disorder are encouraged to get diagnosed or assessed as soon as possible. The longer borderline personality disorder goes untreated, the more severe and complicated the symptoms can become. Since borderline personality disorder often comes with self-harming behaviors including suicide attempts, it is critical to intervene as early as possible. Don’t believe that it’s too early for borderline to happen in someone. It’s never too early to seek treatment for a mental illness. Borderline Personality Disorder Can Happen For Many Reasons The cause of borderline personality disorder has remained a mystery to therapists, clinicians, researchers, and loved ones. What causes someone to act so irrationally, live with such a vast emptiness inside them, and never be convinced that they are loved? A traditional point of finger is toward childhood, specifically, the way a child related to their parents. However, the event of abandonment which most professionals believe triggers the deep fear of abandonment and associated behaviors in people with borderline, can happen at the hands of anyone or anything. Abandonment could be real, as in a very real case of being physically or emotionally abandoned. Abandonment could also be perceived, making it real to the person who experiences it. Borderline Personality Disorder Is Dramatic Attention Seeking The borderline personality is full of tricks, manipulations, and schemes to try and get the attention of loved ones. More specifically, someone with borderline personality disorder is trying to get validation to soothe their deeply rooted insecurities and abandonment fears. As a Cluster B personality disorder, borderline is categorized as a dramatic personality disorder. Outlandish behaviors, substance abuse, physical violence, verbal violence, and other seemingly dramatic behaviors are not solely attention-seeking, but a need for attention which is deeply dysfunctional.

Narcissistic personality disorder can manifest over time and create abusive, unhealthy relationships when unmanaged. As your loved one goes through treatment and therapy, you can start to establish rules for yourself and for a loved one with narcissistic personality disorder in your life. By learning about them and the way their disorder manifests, you can learn to create healthy boundaries while continuing to love them with compassion.